I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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