Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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