We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
