I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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