Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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