you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
