sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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