Someone shit on the floor
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
