Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
