How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
