My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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