shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
