Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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