He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
