he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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