probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
