I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
