I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
