let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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