I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
