I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
