I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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