i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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