i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
