I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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