dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
