okay pat passed out under dana's car
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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