i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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