What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
