I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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