a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
