woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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