he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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