If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
