why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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