just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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