I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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