I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
