Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
