so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize