Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
