somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
