He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
