If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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