Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
