Don't make out with my wife yet
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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