I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
