The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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