I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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