i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
