im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
