i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
