so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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