Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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