I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
