you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
