I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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