My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
