shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
