I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
