just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize