Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I look better un-naked...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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