And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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