ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
