Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
