shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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