Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
