Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
