I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
