I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He did a backflip because drugs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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