you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
