Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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