i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
