Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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