pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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