he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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