My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
