ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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