Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
