my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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