Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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