Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
