He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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