I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
