Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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