How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
