as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
