we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
