The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Randomize
