i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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