So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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