woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize