Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
