I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
