i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
