Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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