You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
