Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
