I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
