I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
apparently the secret to your success is patron
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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