I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
