Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
