we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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