We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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