I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
