How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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