True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
