I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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