I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
