i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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