i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
