he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
