She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
